Darling You Can Only Control Your Reaction
Susanne’s mother frequently told her, “Darling, you can only control your reaction.”
When her sister would pick fights with taunting words or when she was nervous before a big test, her mother would remind and reassure with this sentiment. At times, this familiar response did not seem helpful. I know I can control myself, but I want to control OTHER things, she’d think.
Frustrating as such a response can be to hear, I am pretty sure that Susanne’s mother is correct. Every single day, I am reminded that I can control no one else but myself. Yes, as a leader, I can influence, persuade, cajole, restrict and even prohibit others, but I cannot control anything or anyone other than myself. In my industry, there is a tendency to believe that, with the right training and enough money, you can prevent problems.
You, however, cannot make sure that your colleague places the report on your boss’s desk, and you cannot select the words that a client uses in a telephone conversation. On certain days, after the printer breaks, your partner goes home sick and your phone deletes its contacts, it’s easy to feel like there is little in your life that you can control. From coworkers’ personal habits to current weather patterns, your life is heavily influenced by things outside of your control.
In any situation, you can only control how you react. You can choose to be encouraging, and you can choose to hold fellow workers to a high standard. You can administer undeserved forgiveness, and you can remedy the issue with extra effort. What a great responsibility it is! To chose to speak thoughtfully! To decide to put forth the effort to be exceptional! To select the action most appropriate!
So tomorrow when you feel your blood boiling and sharp words float to your lips, I encourage you to take a deep breath. Use a moment to pause and then respond. Because after all, darling, you can only control your reaction.
Valerie
Personal Branding TV
I am excited to share with you that my video has been selected by Reach Personal Branding TV to be in the top 10. This a list of the 10 most popular videos on the site for 2010. You can view the video here:
Happy New Year!
Valerie
NEVER LOOK IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR!
As I set my sights on a new year, so very grateful that this one is over, I’ve been thinking of 2011 goals. It takes time for me to gather my thoughts before I put them to paper, so I’ve learned to start in December before setting them firmly in January.
One thing I’ve learned in this process is to move ON, not try to recapture the past. While we certainly learn from the past, it’s not healthy to spend wasted energy there. Instead, focus on the NEW day and NEW year that awaits. Past disappointments, missed opportunities, or mistakes ARE past. Let them go andface toward the road ahead.
Here are tips my clients find helpful in setting their goals. Start with just one major goal that you want to accomplish and then use these tips for all your goals. (I find that three is the magic number. If you reach your top three goals,you’ve done well!)
1 – Use the SMART rule. Make sure that your goal is Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Timeframe-specific.
2- Stay positive. No one can sabotage you like YOU. You must truly WANT to reach that goal. If you do, then you’ll be energized and motivated to accomplish it.
3 – Soar with your strengths. I’ve never been one to focus on my weaknesses because, goodness, that would be too depressing. We should all recognize what great talents and experiences we have that can take us across the finish line.
4 – Set a stretch goal. If it’s too easy, it’s usually not a goal, rather a next step toward something already moving along. If the goal is a bit of a stretch, just think how thrilled you’ll be when you make the mark.
5 – Take one step at a time. The ol’ saying is true—“inch by inch it’s a cinch.”
6 – Celebrate along the way. Each little success should be recognized and celebrated. I clearly remember writing my latest book, Do It Right. It seemed impossible to meet the deadlines, and I was stressing with each one looming overhead. A colleague reminded me to take those short wins (finishing a chapter or even a page) and give myself a reward (eata chocolate chip cookie or relax that night in a warm, hot bath). Yes, that seems silly. But those little recognitions that I gave myself actually boosted my energy and motivated me to finish.
7 – Keep your goal visible. Post it in a place where you see it every day. That keeps it top of mind.
Anyone else have ideas that have worked for you? I’d love to get your emails. Send to: Valerie@valerieandcompany.com. Good luck!
Valerie
p.s. Read more articles like this here:
Relieve Workflow Overwhelm
Mary was struggling with her workflow…feeling overwhelmed with so much to do and so little time. Haven’t we all had that dilemma? I asked her to bring her Outlook calendar that showed every detail of her daily work activities for the past month.
When we sat down together in our coaching session, the aha for her was that as a social person she was spending time too much time at lunches, meetings, on committees, handling email (much of it was unrelated to her job), etc. etc. So, here’s how we cleaned up her daily activities.
#1 – She moved all emails that were not work related to another email account. Things like forwards, cute notes from friends who meant well but disrupted her work flow, advertisements from places she had shopped telling the latest and greatest bargains (and for which she admittedly had filled out at the time of purchase to receive the info) and finally, things she wanted to still receive as information but could “read later.”
This seemed such a little thing…but helped her tremendously.
#2 – We looked at where she wanted to focus her time and realized that she was on committees and at meetings that simply were not necessary. So we developed a plan to stay focused on “keeping the main things the main things.” At the end of our coaching session, she happily walked out of my office feeling a ton of bricks had been removed. All simple actions, but the caution is that we all get into habits and activities as we just keep going down our merry path, wondering why we aren’t as productive as we would like. Take time to reflect on what you are doing. And how you could shave some things out of your activities in order to raise your productivity level.
Certainly, there is much more Mary can do, but I wanted to quickly share these two things in hopes her experience might resonate with you as valuable insight that you can use.
Click here to read more articles like this.
Valerie
