Valerie & Company Blog

If you could do anything you wanted to do today? Maybe read a good book, catch up on interesting information still in your “read later” file, cook,  grab a game of golf, visit a friend or make personal calls just to say hello. Who’s got time to do that? Not me. Or do you?

Just for grins, I looked at my calendar recently and saw how few times I had done personal “for me” things this past year. Oh, there were lots in things scheduled that was doing for others and that made me smile. But my body and mind had not been refreshed and I was sensing the stress.

So last week I took an extra hour at lunch one day (granted, I own my business and can do that) and went to the mall just to look around. Yes…just to look around. I learned this from my daughter who window shopped for a break from a heavy exam week in college). I didn’t need anything, but thought it would be nice to simply check out the trends. (Believe me when I tell you I wasn’t even tempted!)

Well, it was, in fact, a refresher. In fact, I admitted my get away to my husband and on his day off, he decided to tinker in his workshop area instead of typically using the day to run errands. He, too, admitted it was a nice feeling to just do what he wanted to do.

So what’s the point? It’s simply to remind you that perhaps time passes without those refreshment hours that physically and mentally renew your human need for relaxation and mindless activity. Just in case you can’t take a block of time for refreshment, here’s a few tips anyone can do while at work.

1. Listen to quiet music or your favorite song
2. Take a walk outside if possible – but take a walk!
3.  Close the door or put your head down on the desk, close your eyes and remember a wonderful memory. Relive that memory for a few minutes. One client said he has a toy train on his shelf from a memory of he and his dad playing with a train set as a child. When he needs to de-stress, he focuses on that little toy train and is flooded with joyous memories from his childhood. I take time to look at family pictures on my desk and can’t help but smile thinking of memories. And those times when I’ve had a difficult day feeling like I’ve not accomplished what I intended, it helps to reflect on successes shown visually by plaques on the wall denoting those times I’ve over delivered and been recognized for that.
4. Stretch – here’s an easy one.  At a door frame put your arm up 90 degrees and turn your body in the opposite direction. This relieves tension that is bound to happen if you’ve been sitting at a computer for any long period of time.
5.  Last – but not least – never eat at your desk. You may be overeating without realizing it. Extra pounds only add to the stress dilemma.

Take care of YOU.  That’s one thing you can control.

Valerie

http://www.valerieandcompany.com/

You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating: many of us may have taken courses in speech or public speaking – in high school, college or in our professional lives.  But none of us – or a rare few – have ever studied listening.  So, here are five quick tips to improve the quality of your listening skills:

• Be present – and that means stop talking or thinking about your gym workout after work.
• Listen empathetically – that means put yourself in the other person’s situation. Are they trying to move ahead on a project and need your help? Are they on deadline and need a quick answer? Are they trying to work in the aftermath of a messy break-up?  Do they just need someone to listen?
• Send signals that you ARE listening. This means nodding your head when you get it. It also means maintaining eye contact (but this doesn’t mean staring a hole in their forehead). It also means, periodically, interpreting what you think you’ve heard.
• If someone makes an appointment to speak with you, give them your full attention. Don’t multi-task! Don’t take calls. Don’t try to eat lunch while they’re speaking.
• Finally, be aware of your weaknesses as a listener. If you don’t know, ask your friends – and they’ll tell you. Then, begin working to strengthen these weak spots in your listening skills…and practice every chance you get.

Valerie

I invite you to visit my site and read more articles and tips.

http://www.valerieandcompany.com/

We all have them, critics I mean. They can be as close as the person across the breakfast table or as distant as an unknown source of a nasty “Tweet” on your Twitter account.  Here are five quick ways to handle your critics:

* Listen with an open mind to what they’re saying — having an open mind doesn’t mean you agree. It just means you hear the possibilities.
*
Listen and then look for opportunities to grow – one word from another person can start an explosive chain reaction of your thoughts. A critic’s words may help you discover buried treasure…or, at the very least, another way of looking at a problem.
 
* When someone criticizes you, avoid spiraling into self-doubt. If your critic’s words make you second-guess yourself, step away from the critic. Then, clear your head, refocus on your goals and proceed moving forward.

* If the criticism is connected to any of the e-words – like emotion, envy or ego – separate the message from the messenger and then take another look and analyze the message. It may contain just what you needed to clear that next hurdle or avoid a stumbling block.

* Never react! Always respond! Saying something like, “You may be right” or “I’ll consider your point of view” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way” is a response.  “You idiot. How stupid do you think I am?  Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that!” is a reaction.

Valerie

I invite you to visit my site and read more articles and tips.

http://www.valerieandcompany.com/

In today’s business environment, new and interesting trends involving human relations have emerged that are worth examining.  More than ever before, for example, we’re hearing the terms “cross-function” and “collaboration,” but what do they really mean on an every day basis?

Cross-function refers to different departments working on the same project or toward the same goal while maintaining their various work units.  As easy as it sounds, this activity creates entirely new personal dynamics, chains of commands and sometimes muddles clear-cut lines of authority, so how does the group accomplish its mission without well-defined authority?

Collaborations may call for members of different departments to come together – sometimes under a manager other than their own – to achieve a specific task. In some cases, there are no apparent managers to lead the collaboration.  So what happens?

Inevitably, the individual who has the ability to influence without authority may rise to the position as temporary authority for the group – or, as the old saying goes, the natural leaders rise to the occasion.

Unfortunately, what some may see as positive “influences” in these groups, others may call “manipulators”.  There may even be murmurings about “hidden agendas” or “personal agendas” for those who attempt to move these groups ahead.

So, how do we determine the positive influencers versus the negative manipulators?

Manipulators are those who would be less effective if their true intentions were known.  Positive influencers are those who try to find out what others need in order to cooperate.  Here’s an example:  Janice is on the planning committee for the annual corporate holiday party. 

When Janice announces she has already negotiated with the hotel and has achieved an outstanding rate for room rental, the rest of the committee is stunned because they had agreed, earlier, they would look at the various available facilities together and come to a group decision.

“It’s really a wonderful rate,” Janice offers, “and since I have more time than many of you, I decided it would be one less detail the committee would have to work on.”

Later the group discovers Janice not only negotiated a good rate, but she also arranged to have two rooms “comped” so she and her best friend, Marcy, could stay at the hotel at no charge. Obviously, this was a case of “manipulation.”

Harvey, who is also on the committee, is assigned to find a caterer for the event.  After reviewing the caterers available the evening of the event, he returns to the group, asks for volunteers and, together, they come up with a menu for the party.  Because Charlie has helped determine the menu, he offers to assist Harvey by arranging for the beverages to be served at the party.

An example of positive influence, Harvey has attempted to discover what his coworkers want and, in a fair exchange, Charlie offers to help with the beverages after Harvey has included Charlie’s input in determining the menu for the party.

When Karen Evans, the CEO of the company, stopped by Harvey’s office during one of the planning committee’s meetings, she asked about how the committee was handling the budget.  When Harvey presented the menu as well as the group’s approach to planning the party by cutting out some of last year’s costly extras, the CEO was impressed.  “I’m hoping all of you will be on next year’s committee too,” she said as she left the office.
This influence, which the CEO had pushed down to the committee members, made it easy for the holiday party committee to be assembled the next year…and for this influence to expand the budget for 

Many times, too, an individual’s willingness to reciprocate will bring influence when it is needed most.  Ginny was always willing to stay late to finish projects before deadline.  Her co-workers knew of her willingness to pitch in and they called on her often to lend a hand at the last minute. 

Therefore, when Ginny had a project of her own that involved some last-minute collating and stapling, she found it easy to recruit volunteers.  Her willingness to help others had expanded her sphere of influence, causing co-workers to reciprocate…and just in the nick of time.

Do those who have influence without authority have power?  Can they get others to assist in reaching shared goals?

Those with influence without authority walk a fine line, balanced only by their awareness of the needs of others, their ability to work across departmental boundaries and their actions – which include maintaining group goals as their focus.

Valerie

http://www.valerieandcompany.com/

As I started my business, I would never have dreamed to ask to be mentored. Goodness, I surely wanted to act like I had my act together and didn’t need help. What a mistake that was! I missed out on good advice early on that could have softened the road to entrepreneur haven.

 

Not only did I think that asking showed weakness, I also mistakenly felt that anyone who was successful didn’t have time to mentor nor would want to! Again, how foolish.

 

So please learn from my mistakes. ASK for help. The worst thing that could happen is someone could say no….and you move on to someone else. I’ve rarely had anyone say no! Most are happy to offer advice.

 

Also recognize that mentoring is a two way street. Both people should find value. I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned from the young high potential people I’ve mentored. They offer fresh perspectives and energetic ideas. It’s a win-win.

 

If you’re shy about picking up the phone and making that call to Mr..Big Guy or Gal…adopt the Nike swoosh and just do it!  I’ve found that the higher up the position the more approachable the person. Don’t take my word for it….try it. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.