Every ounce of my being was screaming out…. ”Don’t give up. There’s always hope.” 

Kelly and I were strangers attending the same business meeting. One evening sitting on a bench enjoying the beautiful weather, she began to download her troubled life. Nothing was going well for her, she told me. Everything was wrong in her life. 

For 30 minutes, she couldn’t stop talking – at a pace of what felt like bullets coming from a semi-automatic. Kelly emptied her trash can of all the stuff she was facing – none of it good. Or so she felt. Finally, a ‘pause point’ came in the conversation that opened the opportunity for me to offer encouragement and hope. 

 But here is what’s fascinating about the scenario. As it played out, the more encouragement offered, the less receptive Kelly became. For whatever her reason, Kelly rejected hope— preferring to stay in the messy muddle. 

I’ll never know the outcome of this conversation once she returned to her home. What I do know is the sadness that covered her current state of being. And the length she went to reject any possibility that things could get better.  

I’ve learned since that there is a science to hope: https://www.terrysmall.com/blog/brain-bulletin-47-the-science-of-hope

 According to Terry Small, branded as The Brain Guy, a feeling of hopefulness changes your brain. Hope, which involves belief and expectation, causes the brain to release neurochemicals which actually mimic the effects of morphine. The result is that the brain can overcome the pain and hurdles and move to a place of recovery. In scientific terms, hope and recovery are correlated.

 Sometimes people are so caught up in their pain that they aren’t ready or able to experience the hope. But it’s essential for our brain – our overall health and well-being even – that we take steps to find the hope so we can begin to block the pain and accelerate the healing. 

Watch this short video to see how a simple act of kindness by a child brought hope.

Here are 3 tips to overcome hopelessness and activate HOPE:

 1 – Stories are the #1 brain state changer.

Stories do more than entertain. Neuroscientists at the University of Cambridge find that when we read books, our neurons are triggered allowing us to feel the emotions of the characters. If the character is sad, we feel sad. And when the character is happy, we might smile as we read the story. Reading positive stories makes us feel less lonely. It can buffer self-esteem and improve our mood. 

2 – Do kind things for others. 

Acts of kindness have a tendency to draw us closer to each other and they can boost feelings of confidence, being in control, happiness and optimism. These don’t need to be huge acts of kindness. Make it simple. Give someone a compliment. In a coffee drive through, pay for the person’s coffee in the car behind you. Help a neighbor plant flowers in their garden. Or just smile at others throughout the day. You’ll have less wrinkles with a smile than with a frown.

 3 – Do something that brings you joy. 

 Just like hope, expressions of joy release chemicals in your brain that give you a positive, energetic sensation. It’s that “awesome feeling” Terry Small references in the story of Team Hoyt. Don’t worry, you don’t have to run marathons or triathlons to find it. Think of something that causes you to smile. Get a massage. Walk with a friend. Stay in bed an extra hour. Work out with music. Make a meal (or brownies!) for someone you love. Send a card. You get the idea. 

 Incorporating these steps into your daily life helps you build up a resiliency and keeps you on the fast-track to finding hope when you need it!